You and your body deserve the utmost compassion.
Food is one of those things in life that you can’t deny loving. Even on your worst day when you look at a meal, but the smell makes you nauseous, there’s always a craving hidden behind that for something else. Whether it be pickles, the toastie your mum used to make you as a kid, or that secret snack obsession you keep to yourself, your body will always want something. Although not everybody is able to acknowledge that. Many of us have tense relationships with food, and often it’s so subtle we don’t even notice until we meet someone with normal eating habits.
I don’t know about you, but my media algorithm is either filled with meal prep people, or people overcoming struggles with food. There’s typically not an in between and so it can be hard to really know what a regular relationship with your eating should look like. How you grew up can also play a big part in your eating. I’ve recently connected with people who also had tricky experiences with food as a child and can attest that this has also impacted them as an adult. My general theme of eating as a child, was that we weren’t allowed to leave the table until we had cleared the plate. I didn’t realise how many people related to this too. We also had that all too common threat that if you didn’t finish your dinner, you’d eat it for breakfast. It makes me chuckle to think about that now since I’ve healed my relationship with food, but as a kid, I didn’t understand how damaging that was for me. I can’t recall having to eat rice for breakfast back then as punishment, but now that I’m older, I’d willingly eat it anytime of the day.
Experiences like that can teach you to dislike food in general. For me, I labelled eating as a chore. It wasn’t something I enjoyed at all, and it made me conscious about eating in public. I didn’t know when my body felt full or when it was even hungry. As a kid, I remember always saying to my parents “I’m not full, I’m just not hungry”. That literally could have been my catchphrase, but now I understand why I thought that way. I had never been able to form that healthy relationship with eating because a lot of the times I wasn’t nourishing my body out of will, and instead I was eating because I was scared about having to stay at the table until dark by myself. If you ask your parents, I’m sure they’ll tell you they had the same upbringing, but it doesn’t make it any less unhealthy. When I reached my teens, I had mastered the art of not eating. My body would go past hunger and I figured out that drinking a tea and laying down was the key. I could eat a snack and then survive until my body next screamed for hunger. I had spent a lot of years blatantly ignoring my hunger because I just did not want to eat. This caused me so many issues such as anxiety about eating out, and also body issues too because I had begin to shrink down and I was already a skinny teen.
It wasn’t until I met my first friend in university that I realised my relationship with food was so bad. She had told me that she had her share of unhealthy eating, but with help and discipline she managed to restore her love in food. I took inspiration from her, and eventually I started to force myself to cook and eat when she was in the kitchen. At some points, she would cook and let the rest of the flat know that there was food there to be eaten. True mum friend. She motivated me a lot to stay fed and prioritise my health. Even as a drop out now, I still sometimes look back at the meals I cooked, knowing that I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her support. I took what I learnt and applied it everyday until I felt I finally reached a good place with my eating. I’ll share a few tips for how I got there, and how I stay motivated on the difficult days.
1. Know where your core relationship with food developed from.
This one is the most important step. You should start by identifying why your relationship is this way before you can attempt to change it. It creates deep rooted beliefs that you’ll need to work on. For example, some may feel as though they don’t deserve to eat, or they feel as though they are “pigging out” every time they eat a balanced meal. Whatever it may be for you, just know you can always restore your love back in eating.
2. Identify where your bad habits crop up.
This step will enable you to actually implement change if you focus your intention. If you’re someone who falls into a bad habit when you’re triggered, or stressed, it’s essential to know when these occur and how they show up. For me, I usually avoided food when I felt overwhelmed with stress. I’d choose to sleep my problems away rather than actually take care of myself. Bonus tip: if you’re a neurodivergent like me, it’s extra important to know where your eating slips up as routine and habit is important. Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can begin to make small steps in alignment with your self-awareness. Such as actively choosing to eat even when you’re going through it.
3. Positive affirmations daily!
This one may go overlooked, but I assure you it shouldn’t. It really helped me to stay on track once I started building better habits. I would tell myself at every chance that I deserved to eat, and that my body deserved the nourishment. Even questioning yourself when you’re slipping is great. Ask yourself is there really any good reason why you shouldn’t be taking care of your body? The answer will always be no. Tell yourself that you enjoy eating, figure out your favourite meals and affirm that you love those too even when you feel like not eating!
4. Build up a suitable routine!
Finally, routine. This one is so essential. If you have a goal, it’s great to start with baby steps to get there and it can feel more manageable. There’s no point in trying to do a complete turn around because it’ll be easier for you to slide into those unhealthy habits at first chance again. Figure out when you most need to eat, then introduce a small routine. It can just be committing to eating breakfast every day, but the consistency will eventually tell your body at that same time each morning that it wants to eat. A few weeks into a new routine, you will already see changes. You may feel more energised throughout the day, or you may actually look forward to eating a meal!
Always remind yourself that you are making healthy lifestyle choices for yourself only. You deserve to feel great in your own body and mind! Give yourself the grace and patience to do so also. The first step to anything is just acknowledging that you may need a change. Don’t forget to ask for help either! You got this.
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