My Spirituality: 1 Year In

It can be so wonderful to reflect back to a time when you were in a completely different space, and mindset. So, I invite you to dive into this past year of my journey with me.

According to a quick Google search, Spirituality can be defined as a 'belief in a supernatural realm beyond the ordinarily observable world, personal growth, or a quest for an ultimate or sacred meaning.'. Although the meaning will be subjective for all, I quite like this definition, as it touches on pretty much the main aspects. For me, spirituality is about the here, the there, and everything in between. It covers the physical which we endure as humans, and the mundane experiences that we have. The extension of this is the world beyond us. The things that we can't see but feel and know. My 'beyond' includes the realm of the universe in which all the things we know to be true, but can't explain, exist. For example, I believe that our ancestors reside in this space, alongside our angels, our spirit guides and whoever else there may be on your spiritual team. It is where all higher powers, including our own, live. All the things that feel too extraordinary to exist, are there.

The more 'human' side to spirituality for me, is the journey to living in a more consciously awake state. This includes healing of things we've endured, unlearning, and learning better mindsets, and generally striving to be a better human being. The reason why it's still so subjective is because it depends on you as a human. I have never been able to objectively define it as I see both the earthly and spiritual experiences as intertwined and to see one, you must see the other. A good analogy of this I suppose is like a flower. We can't physically see their intake of nutrients, but we know that it is causing the flower to have a healthy growth cycle and bloom. Being aware of this makes us appreciate both the supplements supporting the flower, and the flower's unique beauty and strength. In terms of spirituality, the ways you work on yourself, subsequently raise your vibrations thus creating your own beauty.

To touch on the less physical side of the practice, I must talk about meditation and connecting with higher beings. I am a solid advocate for meditation. Whether you keep up with it every day, or manage it here and there, it is so beneficial. It forces you to literally be still and sort of analyse your current state of existence. My favourite aspect is that it enables you to connect with versions of yourself. These may be your inner child, a more awakened you, or just small parts of you that aren't rooted in ego. There are also many ways to connect with your spiritual team. For example, noticing those synchronizations that seem too weird to be real. Have you ever seen someone’s nickname on a street sign and then 3 days later they call you needing to talk? Yeah, kind of like that. A step further includes those who identify as either clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient or claircognizant. We'll get more into these in another post but to summarize, these are different forms of intuition that your spirit guides utilize to communicate with you and keep you aware. There's a whole range of aspects to spirituality that we could be here forever (whatever that may mean to you).

As someone who is fairly new to this, I can say that it's still common for Spirituality to be deemed as taboo, or unconventional. My upbringing was rooted in the Christian faith, with my Nan being an active member of several churches. I attended Sunday school when I would stay with her, often sneaking in to the mainstream service for the music and ribbons.

I was around the age of 8 when I started to really acknowledge God and assess whether we had a relationship like He did with others of the same faith. Being so young and not knowing any better, I decided that I was a child of God regardless and that we would have our own relationship when I felt I was ready. I carried on this mindset, neither claiming nor denouncing myself as particularly religious until my great Nan passed when I was a teenager.

Her passing for me, was so surreal as I had never been close to death. I was able to write and read a poem at her funeral, which I am eternally grateful for. I also shared a thought to my social media after her passing so here it is:

'I am unable to grasp the concept of death. Where does the mind go? The characteristics that make up that particular being? The no longer functioning organs I can understand, but the rest? I do not. Your presence I can still feel. That must mean you are here. Not in the flesh, but in the spirit.'

I still struggled to understand death in the few years following but knowing that somebody doesn't just cease to exist really comforted me. This belief subconsciously stayed with me until I took my first actual step into spirituality.

Like some, my spiritual awakening was triggered through an unhealthy romantic connection. I was in university at the time and had been with this person for a little over a year. To this day, I would deem him as a mirror version of me, and of traits which I needed to heal. We seemed to be going through the same cycle of pettiness and miscommunications, which lasted a good few months until I finally had enough. I wanted out of the cycle. During our tough patch, he had taken a trip back to his home country, and ended up staying longer than we thought due to restricted travel and the pandemic. I remember this one instance so vividly. I was at home, struggling with the distance and the small conversations we could squeeze with time differences. It was about a few weeks in, and something just hit me and I began to sob. I didn't think anything of it as I typically tend to feel my emotions quite strongly, so I got into the shower thinking it would help. Instead, I sobbed some more. And more. And more as I stood in the shower for what felt like a lifetime. I never consciously brought my thought to the surface, but I knew in my gut that this cry, was a mourning cry. Almost as though, the space was enough to lift the tinted glasses from my view. For the few months after that, nothing sat the same with me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I would still go for walks with my friend, we'd journal together, share knowledge, and continue to lean into spirituality with the capacity that we could. By the time I had ended things in my relationship, I knew that this romantic connection played a role in preventing me from reaching a more awakened state. Now, almost two years later, I can say that I am grateful for that connection as it jolted me into my healing phase and onto a beautiful journey.

My spiritual journey has brought me to a place where I never thought I would be. Independent of anything that deters me from living my life as me to the fullest. I now actively work on healing from events during my childhood, working to change conditioned beliefs and give myself the room to breathe in a world that can be so crazy at times. Your childhood may seem insignificant but it's actually where the core of you is developed. It can be quite daunting to unravel that web of truths, but it is also so liberating. Learning that you are a free agent, irrespective of everything that tried to convince you otherwise. Not only can this heal you mentally and emotionally, but also physically. We store so much of our trauma in our bodies and often don't realize it. It's why - yes it might be a stereotype - a lot of us spiritual beings take to yoga. It teaches you to be present within your own body - much like keeping a diary or therapy does for your mind.

Having the opportunity to freely experience my spiritual journey has truly been life changing. Not only did I learn how to trust in a divine power bigger than any of us, I also learnt how to trust myself. Being able to acknowledge that we are in fact just people and that everything we go through is valid, is extremely grounding. Sometimes having faith can make you feel small as a person knowing that there are things beyond you, and it can sometimes make you feel like whatever you do doesn't matter. It's quite the opposite. If we can exist alongside the amazing things, we put our belief in, that makes us just as amazing.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin