Why I Quit My Job

My least favourite part about our society is Capitalism.

Industrialisation happened and we all had to become robots to sustain the working world. The promise of money was enough to make us lose individuality and work as a collective. There’s nothing wrong with learning how to work within a society, but it’s the subsequent conditions that are the problem. Our everyday lives turned into making a wage, paying a bill, feeding into consumerism, and forgetting all about living. Some may argue that they were made for the grind, but I think we were just tricked into that mindset. I’m all about the bag, but not at the expense of everything else.

Like most, I’ve had a job since my national insurance number came through. I slaved away at a McDonald’s for a year of my life, earning enough to fund my little social life. That experience was hell. Anyone who has worked there knows that the theme is exploitation of young people. They’d give you shifts that would leave you stranded in town at night, or ones that’d mean you’d have to sneak out of sixth form. They were experts at teaching you that your job should be your only priority. The next stop on my CV was Primark. I thought I had hit the jackpot with this one. Oh, was I wrong. Retail is not for the weak, and I was weak. I managed to survive two years, even transferring when I went to university. This job numbed your existence until all you knew was how to perfectly fold knickers. I’m grateful to have been able to work, but it did indeed mess with my spirit.

I loved the fact that having my own job meant having my own money. I was free to do what I wanted and impulsively spend as I pleased. I was a young independent boss in my eyes. As time went on, I started to dislike my job more and more. At one point, a customer even told me to smile and I had said what for? She had thrown her things at me across the desk and was completely manner less. I was so over getting treated poorly by customers and colleagues just for a couple hundred every month. The 16 hours each week there was merely soul draining. It wasn’t until I quit university and hopped into full time work that I realised working just isn’t the one. I was surrounded by women more than twice my age, and they complained everyday like clockwork. It honestly scared me to think that I was looking into my future.

I worked as a teaching assistant in a primary school. I first started out as a general TA, moving onto a 1:1 in a new school. I loved my job. The kids would make me smile every day, and I loved doing runs to the photocopier and getting excited with a child when they achieved something. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry when my 1:1 told me he loved me. Working with these children was the most rewarding thing I’d done to date. It was the staff environment that really killed it for me. You need to have backbone if you’re going to be the youngest employee there, especially if you’re the only black person too. I was so excited about my job that it took me a while to truly see the environment for what it was. Everyday there’d be a new microaggression, gossip, or just plain ignorance. I knew I had to leave when the dinner lady asked me if I was genuinely okay. I came to work with a smile and a happy spirit, so for her to see me in that moment, it was enough.

It had got to a point where staff members would say completely out of pocket things, and I no longer felt comfortable to talk to my colleagues or even my boss. I took pride in my work, and strived to create positive change every day, no matter how small. So, I felt stuck. Having clarity on the treatment hindered me from being able to carry out my job to the fullest. I realised that I had thrown everything I had into this job, but it was working against me. I no longer made time for myself, and I was living out the same dull cycle weekly. If it hadn’t been for that toxic workplace, I never would have had the strength to leave. I had long term plans to gain extra qualifications, even advocating for a contract change so I could do so. I saved myself just in time. I knew that if I committed myself to this, I would stunt my life before it even got a chance to sprout. So, I handed in my resignation, had a meeting to call everybody out, and quit. The hardest part for me was parting with the child I was working with. He was a gem, but I knew that I couldn’t do right by him as he needed if I had to continue to feel this way about something I loved to do.

It’s been just over a month since I quit now, and I’ve learnt so much. I didn’t tell a soul that I quit because being unemployed could cause mixed reactions, especially in our current climate. This was something I needed to address in peace. For the first two weeks, I was completely paralyzed. I didn’t physically know how to just do nothing. I told my dad, and he said if you know how to do something, then you know how to do nothing. Although that was hypocritical advice from a workaholic, I took it in. I had kept a job since I was 16 and this was the first time that I intentionally took a break. It was so foreign to me. This time allowed me to gain so much perspective about how the workplace affects me mentally and physically. It allowed me to readjust my priorities and really focus on myself for once. I even took a solo getaway during this time to reconnect with myself and it did wonders. Taking a breather from the toxic working world was exactly what I needed to refocus and feel out what I wanted for myself.

The biggest takeaway from this, is that I now understand what I need from working. We often just enter a job so that we can afford to live. Yes it’s important, but we spend our whole lives working. It’s necessary to figure out how you can make it beneficial for yourself in every aspect. We should strive to put ourselves before a job, because what do you have to offer if you’re not yourself? I identified my skills, and then my desires for a working environment. I asked myself what I will need in order to feel like I can thrive personally and professionally in this commitment. It dawned on me that I literally just needed to work on my passions. Whether that be in a job, or independently, you have to love what you do. It may go over your head, but committing to a career just for the external benefits is a shortcut to weekly emotional breakdowns. I know that isn’t something I want to subscribe to for the remainder of my life.

If you’re fortunate enough to be able to take a break, please do so. Find who you are and what you can offer as the best version of yourself. Allow yourself to call in opportunities that perfectly align with your spirit. You deserve to have joy in yourself and a career too. You will shine your brightest when you do what makes you happy each day. The biggest contribution you’ll make to society is yourself. So, make sure you’re nurturing your greatness at all times.