As Ari Lennox said, self-love, is the best love. Period. This feels like a cyclical moment for me. I was scrolling through my memories to this time last year when I landed on a video I had taken. It was just one of those outfit checks before work, but the song I was playing had significance. It was A Sunday Kind Of Love by Etta James. I still jam to this tune, quite a lot actually, especially when I’m feeling in tune with my heart space. So as I’m laying in bed watching this 40 second clip of myself, it dawned on me. I had been with myself for the past year, and genuinely learning to love myself. As a society, we often put a lot of pressure on each other to show self-love. But it isn’t purely just for the reason we may assume. Most times, it’s a reaction to endings of relationships, replacing love that we lacked from traumatic connections, or just trying to patch up parts in our lives with a little bit of love. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is necessary in every aspect, but it’s the intent behind it that matters most. We have to remember that we deserve love, and who better to receive it from than the person who will always know us best? It’s important for us to learn how to give and receive love, but we have to give ourselves the grace first and foremost. I for one, have spent long enough trying to show up with authenticity in my external relationships and figure out everybody else’s love languages before my own. But as cliché as it sounds, we can’t pour from an empty cup. These are a couple things that I’ve been learning on my own self-love journey. 1. I deserve unconditional love. As straightforward as it may sound, it’s easier said than done. Past me is very guilty of that conditional love. I’d only show kindness to myself when I had made some sort of outside achievement, or when somebody else validated me first. This is a sticky situation to be in, because when you’re in it, it’s deep. You have to figure out how to climb out of that hole where you only love yourself because of what you’re doing and not who you are. It took me probably a whole year for me to finally get to a stage where I actively love myself despite everything else. It’s easy to start with telling yourself that you deserve love irrespective of anything else, because you are love. 2. I have to love myself a bit more on the harder days. I’m still actively learning this one, but it’s such a wonderful feeling. I’m one of those people, or was, who’d put on sad songs to feel even sadder. Shoutout to nearly all of my playlists before 2018 for comforting me in some form. I’d also deprive myself from every joy I had. I thought that if I don’t feel good, then nothing can be good. That was such a debilitating mindset to have. It took me truly asking myself why I thought I had to suffer, before I realised for the most part it’s a choice. I was choosing to wallow in whatever hurt I had, rather than to actually nourish and love my way out of it. I’m personally aware that sometimes we go through dark phases with our mental health, so don’t beat yourself up if you want to stay in bed for a few days. What I mean is that, by making one good choice such as drinking a glass of water, you’re telling your mind and body hey I’m still here for you. We can love ourselves no matter what we’re going through. Be your most comforting support system. 3. Self-love shows up in many ways. As I’m still learning myself, I’m figuring out what makes me feel good. It’s easy to say what we don’t like, but it’s another to identify the opposite. I dedicated myself to just showing up by making sure I’m eating, sleeping, and talking to others. After I built that routine, it became easier for me to tell what warms my soul. I had laid down the foundation for caring about my basic needs so that I could explore myself that bit further. You’ll see a lot of ideas about self-dating which I did try to an extent too, but don’t overlook the small things. For me, once I realised that one of my top love languages is acts of service, I could show up for myself by starting my days right and maintaining that by prioritising my needs in every moment. Only after I figured out my basic needs could I appreciate the bigger acts I did for myself. I say this to say that learning to love yourself from tip to toe is essential. You’re going to rock with you for life, you may as well know yourself from inside out. So, if I could give you one piece of solid advice for this journey, it’d be to take your time. There is no rush. You’re building a genuine relationship with yourself and that takes patience and care. Everyday isn’t going to feel the same, but that’s part of the process. Learning to love yourself above all is a truly liberating feeling. Don’t get caught up in trying to love bomb yourself! Take it day by day and enjoy getting closer with yourself. Your life will be so much better for it <3

I’ve recently found myself thinking on this topic a lot more. I’ve concluded that it’s either to do with my spiritual awakening or the moons placement…again. I feel inclined to first say that everyone’s definition of “light” can be different. Our understanding of it can differ depending on where our personal awareness sits and what we are individually aligned with. So my definition of “light”, is that it is the concept of how your aura, your soul’s magic, and a sprinkle of our innate spirit combine. It is visible to everyone, even when you may not know it. Not to be super cliché but think about a time when you’ve met somebody that you feel just shines inside and out. Their “vibe” almost feels iridescent. That to me, would be you acknowledging their light. Although it is a beautiful thing, it doesn’t make it immune to any danger. In fact, it is quite susceptible to “attacks”. I’m one of those typical spiritualists who believe in energetical and spiritual attacks, so read on at your own will, but let me tell you what those mean to me. In other words, darkness is drawn to light, and it can sometimes try to dim it. I’m referring to those who are not in tune with their own light, as this can create negative feelings towards those that are. If you’re the person mentioned before, you are here to shine your light. Let it be free. To those who see their light, keep shining. The main example of one of these attacks, is when you may know an energy who will do things consciously to try and create turmoil for you. It can be physical or energetical. I know many people will say yes to this, but let’s not forget that we’re all human too. So, if you did that person wrong intentionally, their bad vibes towards you don’t come out of the blue. (sorry). In my experience, it can manifest in numerous ways. It can look like someone trying to consistently cause a problem, someone trying to live in your energy while projecting negativity onto it, or maybe they just outright try to outshine it by imitating it. Whatever the case may be, it may be not be blatantly apparent to said energy, but you can always keep a boundary. Side note: look out for energy vampires. These people have seen your light from a mile away and are living to exhaust it dry! Here's some advice on how to protect your light: Firstly, you need to understand your own. Get familiar with it. How does it show up in you, when do you shine the brightest or maybe the opposite? How does it make you feel and how do you respond to it? Understanding your own light first can help you to put boundaries up next. So that brings us to identifying how different energies can affect it. Sort of like noticing when your personal energy feels off after mingling with others, or entering into certain spaces. Whether it be internal or external, it’s good to get some knowledge on this to create peace between yourself and others around you. Lastly, set boundaries in place to make sure your light isn’t being dimmed. Honorary mention to my people pleasers: learn to say no or block it out if you think it’s going to dim you down. Your light is special and should be treated as such by you. I’m a believer that everybody has a light. If you don’t think so, maybe consider the fact that a lot of experiences can also dim a person’s light. Their light may just be temporarily sitting in the shade. Nonetheless, we can always create a boundary. Whether that be to protect yours, nourish it, or get to know it, it’s valid. The most important thing is that you recognise the beauty in your own soul. We are created uniquely and that’s the main thing that makes us wonderful. Your light will always be entirely you, and the world is waiting to see it! Take care of it and enjoy it 😊

You and your body deserve the utmost compassion. Food is one of those things in life that you can’t deny loving. Even on your worst day when you look at a meal, but the smell makes you nauseous, there’s always a craving hidden behind that for something else. Whether it be pickles, the toastie your mum used to make you as a kid, or that secret snack obsession you keep to yourself, your body will always want something. Although not everybody is able to acknowledge that. Many of us have tense relationships with food, and often it’s so subtle we don’t even notice until we meet someone with normal eating habits. I don’t know about you, but my media algorithm is either filled with meal prep people, or people overcoming struggles with food. There’s typically not an in between and so it can be hard to really know what a regular relationship with your eating should look like. How you grew up can also play a big part in your eating. I’ve recently connected with people who also had tricky experiences with food as a child and can attest that this has also impacted them as an adult. My general theme of eating as a child, was that we weren’t allowed to leave the table until we had cleared the plate. I didn’t realise how many people related to this too. We also had that all too common threat that if you didn’t finish your dinner, you’d eat it for breakfast. It makes me chuckle to think about that now since I’ve healed my relationship with food, but as a kid, I didn’t understand how damaging that was for me. I can’t recall having to eat rice for breakfast back then as punishment, but now that I’m older, I’d willingly eat it anytime of the day. Experiences like that can teach you to dislike food in general. For me, I labelled eating as a chore. It wasn’t something I enjoyed at all, and it made me conscious about eating in public. I didn’t know when my body felt full or when it was even hungry. As a kid, I remember always saying to my parents “I’m not full, I’m just not hungry”. That literally could have been my catchphrase, but now I understand why I thought that way. I had never been able to form that healthy relationship with eating because a lot of the times I wasn’t nourishing my body out of will, and instead I was eating because I was scared about having to stay at the table until dark by myself. If you ask your parents, I’m sure they’ll tell you they had the same upbringing, but it doesn’t make it any less unhealthy. When I reached my teens, I had mastered the art of not eating. My body would go past hunger and I figured out that drinking a tea and laying down was the key. I could eat a snack and then survive until my body next screamed for hunger. I had spent a lot of years blatantly ignoring my hunger because I just did not want to eat. This caused me so many issues such as anxiety about eating out, and also body issues too because I had begin to shrink down and I was already a skinny teen. It wasn’t until I met my first friend in university that I realised my relationship with food was so bad. She had told me that she had her share of unhealthy eating, but with help and discipline she managed to restore her love in food. I took inspiration from her, and eventually I started to force myself to cook and eat when she was in the kitchen. At some points, she would cook and let the rest of the flat know that there was food there to be eaten. True mum friend. She motivated me a lot to stay fed and prioritise my health. Even as a drop out now, I still sometimes look back at the meals I cooked, knowing that I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her support. I took what I learnt and applied it everyday until I felt I finally reached a good place with my eating. I’ll share a few tips for how I got there, and how I stay motivated on the difficult days. 1. Know where your core relationship with food developed from. This one is the most important step. You should start by identifying why your relationship is this way before you can attempt to change it. It creates deep rooted beliefs that you’ll need to work on. For example, some may feel as though they don’t deserve to eat, or they feel as though they are “pigging out” every time they eat a balanced meal. Whatever it may be for you, just know you can always restore your love back in eating. 2. Identify where your bad habits crop up. This step will enable you to actually implement change if you focus your intention. If you’re someone who falls into a bad habit when you’re triggered, or stressed, it’s essential to know when these occur and how they show up. For me, I usually avoided food when I felt overwhelmed with stress. I’d choose to sleep my problems away rather than actually take care of myself. Bonus tip: if you’re a neurodivergent like me, it’s extra important to know where your eating slips up as routine and habit is important. Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can begin to make small steps in alignment with your self-awareness. Such as actively choosing to eat even when you’re going through it. 3. Positive affirmations daily! This one may go overlooked, but I assure you it shouldn’t. It really helped me to stay on track once I started building better habits. I would tell myself at every chance that I deserved to eat, and that my body deserved the nourishment. Even questioning yourself when you’re slipping is great. Ask yourself is there really any good reason why you shouldn’t be taking care of your body? The answer will always be no. Tell yourself that you enjoy eating, figure out your favourite meals and affirm that you love those too even when you feel like not eating! 4. Build up a suitable routine! Finally, routine. This one is so essential. If you have a goal, it’s great to start with baby steps to get there and it can feel more manageable. There’s no point in trying to do a complete turn around because it’ll be easier for you to slide into those unhealthy habits at first chance again. Figure out when you most need to eat, then introduce a small routine. It can just be committing to eating breakfast every day, but the consistency will eventually tell your body at that same time each morning that it wants to eat. A few weeks into a new routine, you will already see changes. You may feel more energised throughout the day, or you may actually look forward to eating a meal! Always remind yourself that you are making healthy lifestyle choices for yourself only. You deserve to feel great in your own body and mind! Give yourself the grace and patience to do so also. The first step to anything is just acknowledging that you may need a change. Don’t forget to ask for help either! You got this.

Let’s talk and see if you can answer me this. Do you walk the streets alone and pretend there’s somebody to miss? Or have you finally realised that the joy lays in your eyes, your heart, on your lips. The soft spoken nature of your heart could lift the veil on a society so dark like its art, but you allow your mind to detach and depart for fear that this tough world could maybe break your heart. That’s the catch, if one exists. You blend into love just as easy as a palm into a fist, both equally bliss depending on your target. Which one are you intending to miss?

Being a hopeless romantic in this society is hard enough. Coupling that with romantic films can be a recipe for disaster. Let me tell you why. It wasn't until I recently watched Sex and the City that I realized I had been avoiding the romance genre altogether. Without saying too much, I was not a fan of Mr. Big. Pausing the film 40 minutes in to ponder on how we sometimes accept the gesture of someone's world when we're both watering grass in different galaxies. The empath in me was being awoken. Then it clicked. It was how much I could relate that struck me. Having been through my share of heartbreak, I didn't like how real the concept of relationships was being portrayed. Usually when the notion of love is presented to us, we picture fairy-tale endings and cupid by your side. Even the not so nice movie moments are followed by a musical switch up and a tragically cliche scene. Mr. Big was not aligning with that fairy-tale fantasy. At first. This may just be an unpopular opinion that I have but I'm sharing it anyway. Traditional romance movies do not perpetuate the idea of healthy love connections. They instead sugar-coat realistic problems and make us think that our below-par love life is worth holding onto. It definitely isn't. In fact, not only should we scrap our most loyal sneaky link, but we also need to look within to discover why we won't let go of Elias who we met at the gym post valentine’s day. We're all romantics at heart and there's nothing wrong with that. A line should only be drawn when we try to turn our most toxic connections into our best love story. My initial reasoning for disliking Mr. Big was that he didn't write Carrie love letters. Well, he didn't necessarily behave like her ideal prince charming. Whilst the reason may not sound valid to you, it's very valid for my inner Cinderella. That idea of romance appeals to me and so I carried on watching the movie, with a little distaste for love. It wasn't that he didn't have a bird fly an engraved letter over to Carrie every morning. It was that I overlooked the fact that this was just a movie, and these two don't actually have decades worth of history. Too often, we take the actions in films at face value, because we're meant too. Just not in a naive way. If this were to have been a real-life relationship, we'd have to assume that with a Carrie and Mr. Big timeline, we would know our partner like the back of our hand. We'd know the love language of one another, and we'd create our own fairy-tale love. This isn't to say that we should boycott romance films and call it a day. It's to say that understanding we love, and are loved, in such more both beautiful and complex ways. A two-hour act of that could never sum up how it is to have a heart that is capable of love. We rely on these short movies to dictate how our love lives should go. All because we're shown it from seed to bloom. In truth, none of us know how each of our many love stories will go. That's the point. So instead of looking everywhere else to figure out the course of your love, look within at your very moment. I admit it did take me a while to understand why Carrie and Big re-inspired me. It's because I was reluctant to see that those two, however fictional they may be, are one of the few good stories I like. From beginning to end, you see just how they go from not properly communicating, to understanding one another perfectly enough to cultivate their own great love. "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are expecting to give–which is everything." –Katharine Hepburn

Welcome to the space that encourages thoughts from seed to bloom. This blog is all about giving life to the various threads that run through our minds daily. As an avid thinker myself, I am constantly taking mini notes, vlogs, or mental screenshots to capture the thought process in all its glory. So here, I will be sharing some of the things that the world inspires for me. As of right now, I am a 20-year-old sitting at home pondering on how I can really express myself in the most authentic way. The conclusion? Nothing. The more thought you put into something, the less you are allowing yourself to just go with the natural flow of being. My initial plan was to give you my life's backstory, which normally would make the most sense. However, in this instance, I feel the best way to introduce myself is to plunge us into how my mind really works. Nothing about any of us is actually logical. As hard as we may try to make that seem so, we are at heart, nonsensical. And that's what creates our spark. Stumbling along life, figuring things out on the way, and discovering what actually makes us unique. Giving up on the "traditional grain" is what led me to my own point of authentic being. Deciding that I would no longer conform to what has been expected of me has been honestly liberating. Almost like letting go of a toddler's hand and seeing where their chubby little legs take them. Exploring my identity in this world through the gleam of innocent eyes and a free heart. So far, my own chubby little legs have landed me in the space of a creative, a healer and a free spirit. I gravitate toward all things that resonate with these concepts. And as for the healer part, I funnily enough realized that whatever I do as me, triggers healing for others. My favourite and only common factor among these, is that I get to be 100% myself. That is the only thing I've ever aspired to be, since it hasn't always been the case. This is for those who weren't afforded the space to be themselves, honourable mention to my eldest siblings and children to unhealthy parent dynamics: Spending years of your life, trying to live for someone else is exhausting. It can almost send you into hermit mode when you finally get to breathe. Finally sitting there with yourself, but not knowing who that is, is truly terrifying. But when you do reach that stage of feeling secure in your being, you end up here. On the blog that encourages honest thought and expression, outside the constraints of forces that work against you. We may almost be rebels to some. My days of writing began in my childhood diary. Growing up in my Caribbean family, there was no dialect about feelings. Ever. And there was to be no tears. So, your only option is to cry on your own or write and being me, I chose them both. At that age, my entries mostly consisted of a few scribbles of an escape plan and dried teardrops. Nonetheless, it was still a decent outlet for my own emotions. When I reached my teen years, my pages would be filled with big, confused feelings. The confusion came from not really knowing how to feel and process my emotions. That skill is unheard of within black families and so it was something I had to learn on my own. That's where the gratitude for my journal comes in. She knows me better than I know myself at this point. It's the raw, unfiltered content of my heart. It has been one of the best habits I've had and will continue to be so. My wish is that this blog will be a version of that for us all. A space for raw thought and conversation. If there's something being thought, there's something to be said. And so with that, I really hope that this blog inspires the thinker, the feeler, the dreamer within you. This is a community where the mind is accepted and embraced for all its magic, and I hope that you feel safe enough to share your thoughts too. Happy reading!

The best of anything lies in the hard work you're avoiding. In this case, it's that generational reset. You really do have to adopt the lively adventurer persona if you're going to go back into the past. It's not just the things you've experienced, but it's also about those who came before you. I'm sure you've heard of generational trauma by now, and if you haven't, I welcome you to the dark side. Everyone who's had to listen to the story of how treacherous our parents' journey to school was, say I. They were right. They really did have to battle to get somewhere, and so did our grandparents, and so did our great grandparents. Whilst I'm still sceptical about them having to single-handily fight off a frenzy of wild cobras with their folders on their heads, I do believe them when they say they've had it rough. In a sense, we are the luckiest of our bloodline, until the next generation is born. Depending on your background and culture, our ancestors had to endure abusive upbringings, neglect from structures our society stands on, and we're not going to skip over slavery. Having to live through these things does a number on a person and it's not something you can come back from lightly. Hence why we're still working through the ripples of effect these things had. To name an example of how the problems still linger in our families, let's start with wealth. Me and my friend were talking the other day about how our initial mindsets about money were rooted in lack. This is because we've seen in some way or another how our families, friends or neighbours have struggled financially. When your ancestors are growing up in times when their mere presence was not accepted let alone allowed to thrive in a workplace, it can alter the course of your own generational wealth. They were indirectly being taught that they aren't worthy to have financial freedom just because of the way they were inherently born. It doesn't make sense, does it? It never has but that's a conversation for another day. Let's take it forwards to when our parents were growing up watching their own parents miss out on the bag. At no fault of their own, they just weren't in spaces that valued them or their labour. They were delegated into low level roles, being told that they don't deserve even the opportunity to earn enough for a comfortable lifestyle. The subsequent issue your parents now face is impostor syndrome. The innate feeling that you don't belong somewhere. Particularly in a space that reflects your worth in the benefits. This is something we're still escaping, and I can say it is not easy. Now ask yourself how many times you denied yourself an opportunity because you didn't feel worthy of it. I bet it's more times than you'd like to admit. This idea of impostor syndrome and feeling undeserving isn't just limited to the job you have or the money you want to make. It can be seen in every little aspect of your life. Wealth is just one the great examples that showcases how your root beliefs can influence your whole being. If we go a step further, we can touch on your literal root chakra. It covers your sense of security and stability in the physical and your identity too. These things are all intertwined, so now can you picture how if one part is off, they likely all are. Often, we don't notice it. We may believe that what we go through and have right now is just our pick of the draw but it isn't at all. The core beliefs that have been passed down to us affect what we ultimately attract into our lives so if you don't believe you're worthy of that amazing job, then what you're also saying is you're not worthy of anything else that vibrates on that great frequency. It's a lot to grapple with but even realizing it is a win for you and everyone after you. My belief is that the reason a lot of us are afraid to uncover where our truths come from, is because we're scared to debunk what we've based our whole existence off. Having to transform the ways that you habitually think is easier said than done. It means acknowledging that there's a current flaw and that it's going to take a ton of work to retrain your mind. I don't think that there's a single person out there who would regard this work as easy and mean it. As it's directly linked to your foundational beliefs, this kind of work requires you to micro examine everything you've built not only your life on, but yourself too. That is one hard long look in the mirror so you can't blame some for not wanting to open their eyes. The bright side: addressing these notions will positively impact everything from the minute you begin. It's rewriting your own history for those waiting to be born into your bloodline. Yes, it's a huge thing for just you but good news, you'll come to realize that it is you. The almighty you who's birth right is nothing less than fabulous-ness. You don’t fit the mould that was created for you and your family to fit. You never did. That's one of the many great things this kind of journey can show you. I can personally attest to this. As I'm in the midst of putting together the pieces of my dreams, I realized that I wasn't thinking big enough. And this was because I was trying to visualize these things through a distorted lens. I knew I had to think way bigger than I had ever thought possible in every way. So now, I make it my goal to outdo every idea that I've ever had based on the restrictions that were passed down through my family. If after making it to this point, you realized you want to embark on this adventure but you're not sure how. I have a couple tips. 1. Accept where you came from, and embrace where you're going! It sounds oh so simple and sweet, and I'm personally still choosing to believe that it is. Accepting where your existence originates from is a crazy concept because although you haven't lived them, there are events that happened that directly caused you to be here as the person you are. It can be quite tricky to fully understand that, but it's the first step to also accepting your future. Realize that there is no rewriting the past and be excited for the fact that you can create your future destiny from here. I'm your cliche reminder that everything happens for a reason. 2. Find a deconstruction partner. Being able to dissect your past on your own is a near impossible task. It can become quite overwhelming to piece together the troubles of the past to understand the now. Having a friend to support you through this will help more than you know. It can protect you from feeling like you're not in control of your own life due to old transgressions and what your elders experienced. When you go through a tough time, it either consumes you, or elevates you, and a support system is the thin line between them. 3. Get detailed about your ideal world! Lives that have already been experienced in our family line can make it seem like we have the same destiny. This causes us to operate from mindsets which unintentionally hold us back from better as we may feel that it's not in the cards at all. When you sit down and visualize a better life down to the brand of herbal tea you'll favour, you're showing your subconscious mind that a healthier life is available. Open yourself up to the limitless improved thought patterns, and enhanced quality of life, and watch how these things flood in for you. The hardest part of this whole journey is accepting that the grass will be greener where you water it. Even if it takes a village to do it, you'll see exactly why it's worth it.

It can be so wonderful to reflect back to a time when you were in a completely different space, and mindset. So, I invite you to dive into this past year of my journey with me. According to a quick Google search, Spirituality can be defined as a 'belief in a supernatural realm beyond the ordinarily observable world, personal growth, or a quest for an ultimate or sacred meaning.'. Although the meaning will be subjective for all, I quite like this definition, as it touches on pretty much the main aspects. For me, spirituality is about the here, the there, and everything in between. It covers the physical which we endure as humans, and the mundane experiences that we have. The extension of this is the world beyond us. The things that we can't see but feel and know. My 'beyond' includes the realm of the universe in which all the things we know to be true, but can't explain, exist. For example, I believe that our ancestors reside in this space, alongside our angels, our spirit guides and whoever else there may be on your spiritual team. It is where all higher powers, including our own, live. All the things that feel too extraordinary to exist, are there. The more 'human' side to spirituality for me, is the journey to living in a more consciously awake state. This includes healing of things we've endured, unlearning, and learning better mindsets, and generally striving to be a better human being. The reason why it's still so subjective is because it depends on you as a human. I have never been able to objectively define it as I see both the earthly and spiritual experiences as intertwined and to see one, you must see the other. A good analogy of this I suppose is like a flower. We can't physically see their intake of nutrients, but we know that it is causing the flower to have a healthy growth cycle and bloom. Being aware of this makes us appreciate both the supplements supporting the flower, and the flower's unique beauty and strength. In terms of spirituality, the ways you work on yourself, subsequently raise your vibrations thus creating your own beauty. To touch on the less physical side of the practice, I must talk about meditation and connecting with higher beings. I am a solid advocate for meditation. Whether you keep up with it every day, or manage it here and there, it is so beneficial. It forces you to literally be still and sort of analyse your current state of existence. My favourite aspect is that it enables you to connect with versions of yourself. These may be your inner child, a more awakened you, or just small parts of you that aren't rooted in ego. There are also many ways to connect with your spiritual team. For example, noticing those synchronizations that seem too weird to be real. Have you ever seen someone’s nickname on a street sign and then 3 days later they call you needing to talk? Yeah, kind of like that. A step further includes those who identify as either clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient or claircognizant. We'll get more into these in another post but to summarize, these are different forms of intuition that your spirit guides utilize to communicate with you and keep you aware. There's a whole range of aspects to spirituality that we could be here forever (whatever that may mean to you). As someone who is fairly new to this, I can say that it's still common for Spirituality to be deemed as taboo, or unconventional. My upbringing was rooted in the Christian faith, with my Nan being an active member of several churches. I attended Sunday school when I would stay with her, often sneaking in to the mainstream service for the music and ribbons. I was around the age of 8 when I started to really acknowledge God and assess whether we had a relationship like He did with others of the same faith. Being so young and not knowing any better, I decided that I was a child of God regardless and that we would have our own relationship when I felt I was ready. I carried on this mindset, neither claiming nor denouncing myself as particularly religious until my great Nan passed when I was a teenager. Her passing for me, was so surreal as I had never been close to death. I was able to write and read a poem at her funeral, which I am eternally grateful for. I also shared a thought to my social media after her passing so here it is: 'I am unable to grasp the concept of death. Where does the mind go? The characteristics that make up that particular being? The no longer functioning organs I can understand, but the rest? I do not. Your presence I can still feel. That must mean you are here. Not in the flesh, but in the spirit.' I still struggled to understand death in the few years following but knowing that somebody doesn't just cease to exist really comforted me. This belief subconsciously stayed with me until I took my first actual step into spirituality. Like some, my spiritual awakening was triggered through an unhealthy romantic connection. I was in university at the time and had been with this person for a little over a year. To this day, I would deem him as a mirror version of me, and of traits which I needed to heal. We seemed to be going through the same cycle of pettiness and miscommunications, which lasted a good few months until I finally had enough. I wanted out of the cycle. During our tough patch, he had taken a trip back to his home country, and ended up staying longer than we thought due to restricted travel and the pandemic. I remember this one instance so vividly. I was at home, struggling with the distance and the small conversations we could squeeze with time differences. It was about a few weeks in, and something just hit me and I began to sob. I didn't think anything of it as I typically tend to feel my emotions quite strongly, so I got into the shower thinking it would help. Instead, I sobbed some more. And more. And more as I stood in the shower for what felt like a lifetime. I never consciously brought my thought to the surface, but I knew in my gut that this cry, was a mourning cry. Almost as though, the space was enough to lift the tinted glasses from my view. For the few months after that, nothing sat the same with me and I couldn't put my finger on it. I would still go for walks with my friend, we'd journal together, share knowledge, and continue to lean into spirituality with the capacity that we could. By the time I had ended things in my relationship, I knew that this romantic connection played a role in preventing me from reaching a more awakened state. Now, almost two years later, I can say that I am grateful for that connection as it jolted me into my healing phase and onto a beautiful journey. My spiritual journey has brought me to a place where I never thought I would be. Independent of anything that deters me from living my life as me to the fullest. I now actively work on healing from events during my childhood, working to change conditioned beliefs and give myself the room to breathe in a world that can be so crazy at times. Your childhood may seem insignificant but it's actually where the core of you is developed. It can be quite daunting to unravel that web of truths, but it is also so liberating. Learning that you are a free agent, irrespective of everything that tried to convince you otherwise. Not only can this heal you mentally and emotionally, but also physically. We store so much of our trauma in our bodies and often don't realize it. It's why - yes it might be a stereotype - a lot of us spiritual beings take to yoga. It teaches you to be present within your own body - much like keeping a diary or therapy does for your mind. Having the opportunity to freely experience my spiritual journey has truly been life changing. Not only did I learn how to trust in a divine power bigger than any of us, I also learnt how to trust myself. Being able to acknowledge that we are in fact just people and that everything we go through is valid, is extremely grounding. Sometimes having faith can make you feel small as a person knowing that there are things beyond you, and it can sometimes make you feel like whatever you do doesn't matter. It's quite the opposite. If we can exist alongside the amazing things, we put our belief in, that makes us just as amazing. “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Raise your vibrations one step at a time by cleansing your energy. Energy makes up every existing entity on this earth. Whether it be your own personal energy, or the energy you feel from entering a space you maybe think you shouldn't have. It is prevalent in everything. As much as we can receive energy, we can also limit our intake. This can be done through grounding exercises like meditation or protection affirmations. There are various methods that you can use to cleanse your energetic aura. We can transfer and receive energy in many ways. To start, it's as simple as giving time to acknowledge something. This can be a thought, a person, an idea. Once you put it at the forefront of your conscious mind, you are giving it your energy. Hence why whatever it is, it will show up more frequently than usual. We also receive energy from others in a similar manner. They may be exuding a particular energy with the intentions directed towards us. If we are not grounded, we can become susceptible to allowing in these energies. It's why you'll often hear me advise against you telling anyone what you plan to do because they may intentionally put a negative energy onto that idea, therefore affecting how it can come into fruition. Another way we can receive energy is through the different things we choose to experience. This goes hand in hand with your intuition, in my opinion. It's like when you get invited to go somewhere and you feel hesitant. You probably discover later on that you were right because something happened, and you definitely should have stayed at home. Energy lies in everything we see, do, think, and feel. So, if your energy is telling you something, hear it out because it's not a lie. It's particularly important to cleanse any form of energy. This can be your own personal energy or energy that is stored in belongings or places. When too many different energies become trapped into one entity, it can make it difficult to have clarity or focus. For example, when you are heading towards a personal decision and others give you advice. Sometimes this can be helpful, but when we are vulnerable to absorbing energies, this can cloud our judgement and ignore what our own voice is telling us. Giving yourself the space to reconnect with your energy can restore your personal power and confidence to live out your own truth. For those who are strong empaths, cleansing your energy will be important to you. This is because you naturally open yourself up to receive external energies as this is how you feel comfortable connecting emotionally. When you take too many varying energies, this can often make you feel lost within yourself and almost like a physical accumulation of everyone else's emotions but your own. This is why you must cleanse and restore so that you don't overwhelm your personal energy and stray from who you are. There are many different ways that you can cleanse energy. Each way depends on you as a person and what you're trying to remove and restore. The first great way is mediation. This can be done in silence or using healing sound frequencies or even guided meditations on Spotify or YouTube. This way allows you to focus on your breath and existence in the present moment. It can also help to identify any areas of your body that feel misaligned and going deeper into the meditation can help you understand why. Another way is using sage and incense. Using these tools around your space clears any negative energy that is residing there and within you. Using the incense after this will restore positive energy and clear vibrations. You can find these tools online or at a local crystal shop. Last but not least, and certainly my favourite, affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to really solidify what you need to hear and what you need to release. These are so versatile as you can use them to support you during meditations and also when you are using sage to cleanse your environment. They can also be used every day such as when you first wake up, before you sleep or during any moment where you may need a reminder. There are many great affirmations already out there which work so well, but the good thing is that you can tailor these or create entirely new ones that are personal to you. One of my favourite affirmations for energy cleansing is: "I remove all energy that does not belong to me and allow my own energy to be restored". This one is simple yet highly effective. Typically, when I use affirmations, I think it's a great idea to use your breath to further reinforce what you're trying to achieve. On your inhale, you say what you are inviting in. On your exhale, state what you're releasing. This can be done as many times as needed and it's good to visualize the energies coming and going as you use the power of your words and breath combined. These are just a few ways you can cleanse your energy, so have a go and figure out what works best for you. The key thing to remember is that understanding your own individual energy in its natural state is essential. This will help you to differentiate between what aligns with you and what doesn't. So, pay attention to how your authentic energy feels when you are trying out these techniques.

It's no secret that we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. But here, I'll tell you the real tea of this title and all it entails. The more you open up about the things you've experienced, the more you realize that most of these things are universal. This coming from someone who always had an open ear but a closed mouth. That's pretty much the life of the sibling in charge. I write this piece through the lens of my inner child. I guess I can deem myself to be one of the lucky ones. I had a cool 8 years before I was assigned to my role. There weren’t any younger children in the family, besides me and an uncle of the same age. I was carefree, living in my own world and definitely not foreseeing a crying baby in my future. When my sister was born, 8-year-old me didn't have a clue what was to come. 20-year-old me right now still isn't quite sure. My mini me was born in 2011, and it still feels like yesterday. I remember seeing her for the first time and my first thought was "why are her lips purple?". Even though she was premature, I still remind her of the purple lips and alien-like nature. Most people hear the term eldest sibling and immediately assign responsible and boring to you. When I heard it, I thought less fun and less me time. This was true to some extent. The part you play is somewhat dependent on the dynamic of your parental relationships. For some, there's a healthy atmosphere and safety for you to also be a child as well as a role model. For others like myself, there is not. This is where the stereotypes come in. Usually, it's expected that we are the main caregivers. Your parents are to become almost "silent partners" and you take on the load. It can look like feeding your siblings, putting them to bed and in some homes, it's also typical that you care for their emotional needs. If you relate to this, congratulations, you were parentified as a child. Anything that relates to those means that you were in fact expected to help raise this child even while still being one yourself. I remember being 9 years old and my parents had gone away for the weekend, leaving my auntie in charge. My sister was still only a baby, and I obviously was not old enough to care for her alone. I later discovered that we were actually 3 children in the house. Me, my sister, and my auntie. It was quite literally, a gross revelation. At that age, babies are known to produce some questioning things after being fed, or at any given chance for that matter. This time, she had graced us with a load that was so foul I immediately buried my face into my shirt. Looking beside me, I see my auntie do the same thing. We locked eyes. In that moment, she tells me she can't do it. She absolutely cannot change that nappy. We go back and forth for a minute, me assuming that she would eventually give in and take one for the team. She did not. I still don't know where I found the strength to change that nappy, but I did. Funnily enough, that was only the beginning. Now you're considered responsible enough - more than the present adult - to care for someone besides yourself. That's a lot for a 9-year-old. You never realize the impact things have on you until years later. Whilst that was only a moment from my childhood, it started the series of events that slowly turned the child in me, into a straightforward thinker, constantly prioritizing others' needs. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to be a big sister and I'm still learning how to be one every day. However, there's a very thin line between being just a sister and a third parent. I managed to lose my own childish innocence as I got more wrapped up in trying to make sure my own sister had a better quality of life than I did. Still to this day, both she and my youngest brother refer to me as "basically their mum" and look up to me in that way. I still struggle to get away from that as much as I try, but in both our eyes, that's not possible. When I was supposed to be growing up alongside them, I was instead sacrificing much of my youth to make sure they had it better than me. Not having a particularly great upbringing myself, it seemed I would never get to be "just a kid", and so now as a young adult, I am constantly finding new ways to let my inner child out and find that childish joy in any way I can. If you ask a lot of eldest siblings, I'm sure they can confess that they either detest the idea of having children, or they can't wait to start a big happy family. I fall under the former. At least I thought so until recently. It's very common for a lot of the weight to fall on the eldest, without realizing how that changes them as a person. For me, it made me think that I never want to have children purely because I didn't like them. I wasn't keen on how they consumed much of your life and in my shoes, it was my childhood. I could never really relate to them, and I found myself acting as a disciplinarian for many of them as I couldn't see them as just children. Perhaps this was because I never felt seen as a child or maybe I just genuinely didn't vibe with them. Either way, I still pictured my child-free future with sweet anticipation. That was until I started working in a school. The opportunity healed me more than I realized as I got to learn and understand children as individual human beings. These days I consider myself now more open to the idea of kids, hoping I can do right by them as I heal myself more. The family dynamic between parents and the first born is often never talked about. The emotional and physical burden of having to be the crutch of the family is merely overlooked and considered the norm. As I look at what seem to be functioning families now, I can't help but to think of how different it would have been. This is why I actively and constantly strive to improve the familial relationships. Whilst it has blown up in my face several times, it will never stop me from wanting the next generation of children to grow up the right way. Embracing their identity, being viewed, and accepted as children, and shielded from the right things until they fundamentally reach the right stage. Although our childhood is gone, our inner child remains. If you can relate to anything said here, I encourage you to do that healing. Delve into the time which essentially created who you are today. Don't let what's already happened prevent you from knowing and having fun, or even neglecting to allow yourself joy. “I realized that I was living my life backwards. I had to be a grown-up when I’d been a little boy, and now I was tending to the little boy who’d never had the chance to properly play… Had I not had the childhood I did, would these traits not be so at the forefront of my personality? Who knows? All I know is that I am the product of all the experiences I have had, good and bad.” - Alan Cumming, Not My Father's Son